CHEERFULLY GIVING

It had been a wonderful day with a visit to the beach. I had been reading a book in the sunshine and felt inspired with the texts about living with awareness in this Universe.

I particularly liked the chapter with the recommendation to give to others what you want most for yourself. Send = receive wrapped in words that make so much sense on paper….…

It turned out to be time for some practise in my own next corner of the Universe: a supermarket in the Algarve, where we wanted to buy a few missing things: coffee, jam, chocolate and milk.

Completely focussed on my goal, I walked purposeful  from the entrance, through the hall towards the stile gate. I thanked the lady asking my attention for collection for charity in a friendly, yet decisive way.  I was on a distinct mission.

The lady approached Richard behind me as well if he wanted to buy some food to donate to charity. Happily, he accepted the designated plastic bag and decided that a shopping basket would be in order.

While he was selecting rice and pastas, I noticed an enormous storm rising within me.

This was the inner dialogue I had with myself, standing between two huge supermarket freezers:

B:” He, what is going on here?”

A:” Donating things to charity is very recommendable if you want to live aware and free. “

B:” Yep, nice .. however… I don’t want it.”

A:” Holding on to something ( like money) from a fearful thought that you don’t have enough of it is asking for trouble!  Send = receive…. If you send the message that you are lacking something, than that is what you get…. Too little of that something!”

B:” Nice theory.  You forget to mention that you have got to mean it too! If you only do it because it is theoretically so recommendable… than it doesn’t count!!!!!”

A:” So true.. so…. Make sure you mean it! Give cheerfully!”

B:” Come on… cheerfully!!! The only thing that is cheerful here at the moment is a raging storm. I want to leave this place cheerfully and leave it all cheerfully behind me!”

The whole conversation took about  10 minutes, so A and B repeated their points of view several times with more and more power.  One part of me was embracing  the idea of giving cheerfully and the other one wanted was absolutely not cheerful about this giving event.  

I pulled the plug on the debate, by the time I really had enough of that.  For now, I solved the issue temporarily by saying that it was Richards’s cheerfully made transaction, not mine.  Pay and go.. and forget about it all.   

Not that I think it really works like this in this very educational Universe;-), but at least it got me moving again.

Richard had filled the shopping basket and was ready to pay. He asked me if I wanted to select some chocolate,  but I said that I had had enough now of the shopping experience and wanted to leave.  

The supermarket had two types of cash registers: with staff and self service.  Self service seemed to Richard the best way to go, the others had very long ques.

Hmmmm…. With a cashier you can pay deaf and blind. Self service permits you to see each and every item scanned and priced. On top of all this the price was read out loud too.

Everything I didn’t want to know about, was presented to me on al senses in a significantly slow way: quantities and prices.

Richard obviously noticed that my energy and mood had dropped. I told him that I had to deal with something within myself and that I would fill him in on the details later, if needs be.

During the course of the evening, the issue stayed with me in the back of my mind. What was the essence of the problem here? How could I solve this issue in a well-considered way? What could I learn from this? Why was this causing such an inner storm?

Yes, it hadn’t been me taking the initiative for a donation. And yes, the amount of consultation in this process had been minimal and indeed, I still have some faith to gain concerning money flows, to mention a few ripples I can identify on the surface. But I also know that usually I am able to react more balanced on this type of challenges nowadays.  So, what is the difference here?

As often before, the solution came the next morning.

I told Richard about what was still on my mind in a puzzling struggle. I was squeezing the last bit of joy out of this learning process, by giving myself an extra hard time over it. I labelled myself as ‘worthless’ , because of not being able to give cheerfully and that isn’t a very encouraging thing to do!

Richard took it a lot lighter and confessed with a friendly smile that he instantly knew that I was dealing with something important,  when I denied myself chocolate!

That filled the gap of the missing link in me.  Suddenly I saw why my inner compass somewhere between rice and pasta had lost track. I knew why  I had been presented with al the fine details of number and prices of articles.  I had asked the question what I could learn from this seemingly conflict and all that was part of the answer! ( send = receive)

What was it that I refused to see? The value? Was it too expensive?  It was nothing compared to what we had spend earlier on groceries on the market.  

Suddenly it struck me, by the time I switched my mental position. It sure had to do with value, but in a reversed way.

Do rice and pasta represent for me ‘ the good life’ ?  Sure, I appreciate them as nice ingredients for good meals. But if I was to choose a product in the supermarket that really expresses the joy of a good life .... then I would treat myself to a nice piece of chocolate.

There I approached the eye of the storm that was charging this issue so much. I had not contributed with something that I would choose for myself as valuable, as something I highly appreciate!

Understanding this, suddenly solved the seemingly conflict. A knew a part of my truth and B also had a point and although I thought they were opposites... there was a way to unite them!

I proposed to Richard to buy what I had denied myself, but then double. One box of chocolates for us and one to donate.

This resolution could be executed the same afternoon. We stopped at Lidl’s for something and again saw some people at the entrance collecting for charity.

This time cheerfully, we donated chocolate and coffee.

Is the story told now? Maybe….

However, on arrival at our house sitting job, we found  a specially for us richly filled fridge and cupboard with all sorts of nice products.

Coincidence…? In any case.... we are very pleased with this gift for us!

RECEIVING GARDENING INSPIRATION

Here I am, since a few days, in the Algarve in Portugal, living my new life as a nomad. In exchange for a roof over our head, Richard and I are helping somebody a few hours a day with some DIY and gardening tasks.

This morning, I was asked to cut back some stems of a papyrus plant, the ones  overgrowing the path. When I brought the cuttings to the chickens, because they seem to like it, I could hardly pass another papyrus plant on my way with the wheel barrow. I decided that this one could do with some attention as well. Parts of it were dry and brown, rather than lush and green.

It turned out to be an interesting gardening experience.

Is started with cutting back on one side whatever was over the path, green or brown. For some reason, I felt the whole experience was like cutting a person’s hair. To play with that thought, I made a remark in my mind to the customer, that I was intending to create a nice haircut, so he would look al fresh and nice again and could create healthy new growth.

A slightly different approach for removing the dead stems from the plant occurred to me and I decided to try it. I pulled on the end of one, and the stem came out completely. So, rather than cutting it away ( and leaving the bottom end), I could remove easily everything. It was less effort than bending down and squeeze the secateurs and there was no damage to the living stems of the plant.

I removed 3 or 4 wheelbarrows full of dead plant material  ( yes, it is a huge plant). It struck me that this plant wasn’t as healthy looking as the one I had cut back earlier, in another part of the garden. I wondered why this one seemed to be struggling.

During the work, I became aware of the answer to that question. This part of the garden wasn’t linked to the irrigation system, so it was probably lacking water.  Furthermore, I felt strongly that it was also lacking food.

Part of the task was to fill in two holes created by the dog. I just happened to know where the pile of manure was, so I decided to feed the plant and gave it a lot of water too.

3 Hours later, the customer had a wonderful haircut and a good treatment for new growth. I was quite pleased with it.

You may call me mad. ( Although I call myself the opposite J (a) no-mad) but it felt a co-creation process. It wasn’t just me, cutting away vigorously in the garden. I felt guided in how to treat the plant in the best way. I was doing the task with full attention and sending out questions, on how to do it well, to encourage the new growth and do its beauty justice.

Send = receive , so the answers found me. And in paying attention, I picked them up too!

INSPIRATION OVER DINNER

Yesterday, whilst having dinner, I saw something on the wall behind Richard that struck me with inspiration.

When I mentioned it to Richard, he immediately said:” Please, make this a blog entry!”

This is what I told Richard:

“ The perceived wisdom among people with a spiritual interest is ‘ live now’ . So, rather than projecting that good things can happen to you in the future.... (when such and such has happened first) ....realize that you are creating that future right now, by the thoughts you have and the actions you take and the things you enjoy... right now. Be, right now, what you choose to be, sums it up quite nicely.”

I told Richard that a message on a post-it note from a brainstorm caught my attention:” What is the AIM?” I realised how these three capital letters could be read as follows.

“ I AM right in the middle of what I AIM for... the ‘ I’ , IS right in the middle of the letters that spell AM!”

A very nice example of the wisdom hidden in the English language J

WRITING

Despite the fact that it is not on this blog, I AM writing a lot!

I am working on a methof for self development that aims to give your live an extra impulse in the desired direction.
The method is seriously playful and you're in charge of the ammount of time and energy you invest in it.

Curious? Please let me know and I'd be happy to to tell you more about it.

CONSTRUCTIVE INSPIRATION

Saturday evening we started working on a project for a friend, who is transforming her restaurant into a Jamaican restaurant.

We gathered some materials from the barn to recycle and we bought a few extra things from the store.
Before going to bed, we played with it for about an hour to see how it could all result in the desired tropical beach hut roof construction: nice to look at, sturdy, using the materials we’ve got and transportable in the car.

We both fell asleep with questions on our minds about ‘ how can it be constructed, especially the triangle shaped parts of the construction’. In the morning, we shared our ideas on the matter. Richard spoke about an idea to create a certain type of bolds that would do the trick.
I found my inspiration in the world of scouts, who can build anything using rope to tie parts together.  A almost didn’t share this idea, thinking it would be ‘ too simple’ . But I decided to share it anyway, to have it as an option available on the table.

Whilst Richard was having a shower, I had the topic loosely in my mind.

I found myself ‘ looking’  at an object in the room. I wasn’t watching it, it was merely that It happened to be in the direction where my eyes where gazing. It was the  type of object  that normally doesn’t catch my attention in the morning... a small drying frame for socks and underwear.

I could have just turned my head. I could have decided to make myself a cup of tea. Instead, I wondered: ”Why am I looking at this object?” Immediately the ‘ funny’ thought crossed my mind that it could hold the inspiration for the beach hut roof construction. Could the construction be done with clothes-pegs? That would be unusual! ( but why not?).

I looked with some more attention and interest to the drying frame and I let my thoughts play with the whole thing. In the back of my head I related it to the triangle shapes in the construction of the beach hut.

On the flow of tensionless taking this essence of this small construction in.... it  suddenly struck me how this plastic construction was made of a square solid base and suspended by ‘ ropes’ , creating precisely the type of triangle shapes we want to construct for the beach hut roof. A construction we also had in mind to suspend from the ceiling!

Eureka!

I caught Richard before he could have dried himself of, to tell him enthusiastically that inspiration had struck me. When I explained the idea, he got enthusiastic and we started executing this idea together.

We had so much fun doing it! And the whole process of creation was such a wonderful example of how the Law of Attraction ( send = receive) works in everyday life:

• We expressed our heartfelt desire to find solutions.
• I shared my suggestions.
• Richard shares his suggestions.
• The Universe shared suggestions with us, through our awareness.

What a beautiful example of working all together!

We had so much fun creating and we are very pleased with the result so far ( being precisely what we desired) nice to look at, sturdy, using the materials we’ve got and transportable in the car.

We took it apart, we took it with us to the restaurant and helped with some plastering and painting work there. Once the dining room is ready to be decorated, we will suspend  the construction and finish it on site.

Inspiration in action, such fun!  

CAN I ASK FOR WHAT I WANT?

It’s fascinating how something simple can be perceived as so difficult! Asking for something I want, for example, is among the most difficult challenges in my brain configuration. But, I have decided that brain configurations are not written in stone and even stone can be chopped, chiselled, filed and polished!

On Sunday, we went to a party where a band was playing. Everybody was asked to bring some food. With our bowl of rice-salad and filled tomatos, we entered the party hall. We were expecting the French way, where everybody put his contribution on a large table and everybody then choosing from the table what to have.

In this case, the mainly English participants, had dividing themselves up in small scattered groups and ate basically their own brought food and people talked mainly to the people they already knew.

After having eaten our meal, offering some of it to our neighbours at the table, the band started to play music. We had found a new spot to stand, where we could see the band and listen to them.

I became aware that on the table on my right hand side was a beautiful enormous half eaten chocolate cake. During the course of three songs, I developed an appetite for chocolate and it became the subject of a lot of inner dialogue.

I would be very happy with the opportunity to taste a piece of it... BUT.... and then an interesting list of blockages began:

• " People don’t seem to share their food tonight"
• " I don’t know these people, they don’t know me"
• " Everybody is listening to the band now... no  time for ‘ food’"
• " If I was to ask (very  hypothetically and highly unlikely) how to get their attention over the volume of the music?"
• "It’s in a closed circle of people... I don’ t know who’s cake it is"
• " I am Dutch ( a breed that is usually considered to be far too direct) , they are English.. what will ‘people’  think?" 

In the next two songs, I saw that two pieces were handed over to other English people at another table. And my appetite grew.

I thought about my list of ‘ buts’ and decided that there was little to lose, if I went to ask for a piece.

At the moment, I had no chocolate cake and the worst thing that could happen was that they would say no. The end result would be that I had no cake.. no different to the current situation.

I don’t know them, indeed, changes are that I will never see them again. So even if they think that I make a ‘ faux pas’ (typically Dutch J ), no relationship gets permanently damaged.

So, I decided to give it a go and with a big smile I went into the circle of people saying how attractive the cake looked and if there was any change on having a piece to taste it.

Within one minute, I could tell from personal experience that the cake tasted as good as it looked!

I didn’t only get what I desired: a satisfied tummy and some chocolate cake crumbs as residue..
I also chiselled a fragment of the  stone where it said that asking for something you want is a bad thing. Looking at the stone dust I created satisfied me even more.

Send = receive J

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?

Two men confessed to me recently that in their core, they would like things to happen magically. Trying hard to make things happen and dealing with the frustrations along the way doesn’t  fit nicely into that ideal. The whole verb ‘ to do’, frequently becomes a burden to them, something horrible and frustrating within itself.

Both men listened with interest to my take on ‘ trying hard to make things happen’ and ‘ dealing with frustrations’ . My approach seems to have a certain appeal for them, although it still contains the suspicious verb ‘ to do’ .

I explained to them that I listen (more and more) to the signals indicating that I am not happy anymore with what I am doing. Whenever I become aware of those signals, I simply decide:” Do something else!”

It doesn’t have to be something drastic, like dropping my brush in the paint and leave it all instantly! I can calmly decide that it about time to do something else and look into how I can do that.

It can be anything from washing my hands, stretching my legs, have a chat ( and come back to the task) to looking into how I can stop doing what I was doing completely for that day.

Just acknowledging the fact that it doesn’t feel right anymore to continue doing what I was doing and actively looking into how I can step away from it in a satisfying way, is enough to keep a happy mood.

“ But then the work doesn’t get done?!”
Interestingly enough.. I get more work done if I follow this principle then if I decide to ‘ try to make something happen’  despite the fact that it all goes wrong and I am not enjoying it at all.

Saying ‘ I want to do something else now’ usually does not mean that I do nothing at all, unless I really feel I need to rest. It simply means that I direct my attention to something else and I achieve something in that activity: that gets done and I feel happy doing it.

“ But you can’t leave people waiting if you are working for somebody else?!”
Interestingly enough.... If I am aware that things start to go wrong and I can’t laugh about it and can’t happily improvise my way through and  I get tensed...
a) most people don’t enjoy being around me in that state..
b) most people are very willing to engage in a dialogue on how it can be done, otherwise. Some other time, some other place, by somebody else......
c) many things are less urgent then they seem at first sight

One of the man pointed out to me that it is difficult for a man to ‘ give in’ , to show a ‘ weakness’ .

Personally, I don’t think this approach has anything to do with giving in or being weak.  I find it empowering, for both me and the people I do something for to voice calmly and confidently  that better results can be achieved by ‘ doing something else’ .

It is even magical, at times, how things seem to fall in place.

I have to put in less effort ( read: hard unsatisfying frustrating work) in achieving things and with a smile on my face, enjoying what I do, I achieve even more!

So yes, I do believe in magic.. but I also believe that magic finds me on my actions a.k.a.  the creative magical wonderful verb ‘ to do’ .

EXCHANGE

Today, I woke up with a sparkling interesting idea.

I am not only a writer, happily and openly sharing my thoughts on what I learn about life and looking at my own experiences in being more aware of the rule that you receive what you send out ( the Law of Attraction).

I am also trained as a life coach with the ability to support people in finding their own answers to their own questions, by listening carefully and looking with kind eyes at what they say and how they say it.

Whilst I am in the process of creating an inspiring online community, where people can find inspiration, support and practical methods for having fun with their own self-development processes, I am in France. I am looking after some property, letting out four beautiful holiday homes, this summer.

I find it an interesting challenge to support myself using creative ways, rather than just with spending money. Meaningful transactions do take place in valuable currencies other than money: time, attention, experiences, goods, learning something.....

There are now a few items on my wish list. I need  some of them for my own comfort and pleasure, others for the gites. I figured this morning:” Why not try to find those items, whilst the wallets stay closed?”

I realised there are many websites kicking around where the expats in this region offer all sorts of second hand stuff. And I know  that some of those expats feel that certain aspects of their lives leave room for improvement. Not always do they feel the freedom in their budget to invest in the service of life coaching, even if they desire to find some quality support in their process.

Hmmmm.... an interesting and fun experiment is born:  if I send “ I would like to find a washing machine and I would like to trade it for the life coaching support I have to offer” ... what will happen?

Let’s find out!

IN THE WRONG MOVIE

Richard and I talked about our the plans for that Saturday, just after waking up.

I told him that I was planning on having some time on my own. When he asked me what I had planned, I didn’t really know what I felt like doing. Thinking about it some more, I said with some emphasis:” What I need is a nice long walk by myself in nature.”

When I opened the curtains shortly after that statement, I saw the rain pouring down and I doubted if a walk in nature would be really nice in these conditions. I thought about other options for spending some time on my own. I added the line ‘ useful’ to the mix. I was sure that I could combine my desire to go out on my own with something that would fulfil some of our needs.

I came up with ‘ doing groceries’ and since I would be on the road, I could also drive to the town a bit further away to inquire about options to get our internet connection properly working.

I considered the plan an efficient way to have some time-by-myself.

I know now.... it wasn’t.  Another educational nose-diving experience was about to take place.

Setting off in the car went rather well. I sang along with the radio, happy for driving in steed of walking through the rain and I arrived smiling in the bigger town. I parked whistling cheerfully  a tune,  near the train station where I knew the shop I was looking for was situated.

I looked around, but didn’t immediately see the Orange sign where I expected it to be.  I was pretty sure it should be there somewhere, so I took happily a closer look to the shop that were there.

One nanosecond long, I asked myself if it would be a good idea to ask in the bar, for the Orange shop. But I dismissed the thought.  If it was here somewhere, I could find it myself!

Fifteen minutes later, the rain dripped from my coat and trousers on the doormat of the bar where I eventually did inquire about the location of the Orange shop. The shop used to be there, indeed..... but could now be found on the complete other side of town, near the Hyper U.

I gave myself a hard time for not looking up the right address,  ending up in the wrong place. I smiled to myself bitterly that at least I had had my walk! Although I admitted that the empty wet streets and sad looking buildings of this town were not matching the description of ‘ in nature’ .

For a split second, I considered the possibility to forget about going to the Orange shop. But no... I overruled that thought, thinking :” Since I am here now, I might just as well see it through.”

I went through the town’s centre, to get to the Hyper U and I regretted my decision instantly. It was so incredibly busy on the roads, that I got unpleasant flashbacks of busy town in Holland on a Saturday afternoon. And believe me, I have never seen the traffic in this French town looking like any city traffic I’ve seen in Holland! I felt an actress in completely the wrong movie!

I reached Hyper U’s parking space, found a parking space and found the Orange shop in the hall of the store. I went in and inquired after a cheap and cheerful  solution for solving our internet connection problem. The only and quite un-cheerful solution they could come up with, was not cheap, so I left the shop fairly soon.

Passing the entrance of the Hyper U, I remembered that I was also on the lookout for groceries and I wondered if there could be any things on promotion that I might like.

I stepped over my resentment of the busy store and went in.

No promotion in the world could have interested me in this very busy, stuffed- with- things- I- don’t- need shop. All it did was feeding my desire to leave as much distance between me and this place as soon as possible.

Really having had enough now, I went straight for the first register I could see, to pass the line and find the exit.

The customers had no problem with me passing the line. It was the supermarket employee at the tilt, who shouted( in French)  literally at me that I was in the wrong place! She pointed out to me that I had to turn around, go through the whole store again and then leave at the special exit for people who had bought nothing.

I heard her, I understood her, but being so close to the exit, I had no intention of going through that store again. So I acted the foreigner who hardly speaks any French and wished her a wonderful afternoon too. I never slowed  down, my eyes focussed on my goal:  the exit.

I went back to Richard ( even with a supply of groceries I managed to buy elsewhere) in a state of being that we refer to as “ crashed in the corn field” .

I was just feeling miserable, tired and drained, without a clue what caused my mental nosedive and emotional crash. Richard was so sweet to hold me, look at me with kind eyes and ask a few questions about what could have triggered it.

I traced it back to saying in the morning:”  I need to go for a walk, by myself, in nature” and instead I went for playing a part in a completely different movie. I went to the busiest town I could find, with almost no natural features in it. The people on the set of that movie were so kind to tell me what I already felt:” You are in the wrong place” sometimes adding “ What you are looking for is not here.”

Thank you Universe, for putting so hilariously humorous  out to me that I chose myself to be in the wrong movie ( although it didn’t feel  very enjoyable nor funny , at the time)!

Acknowledging that I deliberately went into the direction opposite of my own recommendation, refuelled me for leaving the crash area in the cornfield behind me, ready to fly again.

I am so sure, that if I had taken that walk, earlier......
 If I had listened to what I actually said I needed, even with the assumed downside of getting wet.....
If I had just paid attention and invested an hour in that walk, satisfying my need for being alone, in nature......
I could have gone afterwards to any town, any shop for any purpose and would have had fun with it. I would most likely have done it in less time, with no annoyance about busy traffic and feeling in the wrong place.

YOU ARE WRONG

The other day I talked to my French friend Amelie.
She told me somewhat agitated that she was really concerned about the behaviour of one of her granddaughters.

When she stayed for a few days at her son’s, she noticed that 4 year old Francine said all kinds of unkind things about her twin sister Veronique.  Amelie considered the chosen words to be very rude and very inappropriate for a 4 year old to use.

As a result,  Francine got told off by her grandmother, big time, by the sound of her vivid description.

My stomach turned at hearing the story and I became aware of looking at the whole event differently.
Was it because I placed myself for a few minutes in the position of a 4 year old with a twin sister, although I am not born as a twin?

Was it just my empathy, or did I touch on my own  experience in being a four year old brave curious girl, back in 1976?

Whatever it was triggering my feelings, I could only feel compassion for this little French girl, having to learn so much about  living in this world. In experimenting with using words and ways she has probably seen around her, she got told off:” Francine, you are wrong! You are a bad child! Shut up! You are not allowed to  say nasty things about your sister!”

I decided to give a voice to my gut feeling and thoughts.  I cautiously  introduced the idea that there could be another way of looking at this than blaming the girl,  the parents, the teacher or the television. A kind way of looking, that may hold the key to something far more beautiful and enjoyable.

I asked Amelie:” What if....., Francine’s aim in saying that her sister Veronique is stupid and incapable of doing things properly, is not to deliberately push her sister down and hurt her feelings.....? What if..... Francine made an attempt, doing her utmost best,  to express a heartfelt important need for her own development? What if..... that need is something like:” I’d like to explore who I am as an individual called Francine and I’d like to explore what my own qualities are, besides being one-of-the-twins” . What if....  she mimicked the words and ways she sees around her, to express this ....?”

If all the above ‘what ifs’  are true....... then it would probably be a very confusing and hard to swallow message  for a four year old who is eager to learn about her value in this world.  What if she takes the message on board that it is NOT all right for her to say that somebody  else is wrong and bad, but it’s apparently OK for an adult to say that she is wrong and bad.

She wanted to know her individual value.... ? She now got an answer twice:” You ARE wrong, YOU are wrong”.

Amelie listened carefully to me when I expressed my take on her story and I felt she was also interested in hearing suggestions of guiding Francine in her learning process,  giving her positive feedback on her value in this world and her courage to experiment with it.   

I explained how I saw possibilities to guide Francine in a loving and understanding way, displaying the type of behaviour you would like to see from her:  calm, clear, with consideration for her own needs and the needs of others....?

I can see how easy it must be to treat twins as one entity ( I can never tell who is Francine and who is Veronique,  although they are not identical twins). Most  twins have probably an extra challenge in finding their own value as individuals, compared to children with only siblings of a different age. 

I suggested that it may be helpful to spend  time with Francine and Veronique separately . In those precious moments where they can express their own uniqueness as individuals, she can praise them for whatever qualities they display.

I am not a parent.
I have a great deal of respect for people who accept the challenge to raise a child.
I know that every parent wants the best for his child and does whatever is in his power to help the child to become an adult.
All this are reason the feel slightly uncomfortable in expressing suggestions on dealing with  4 year olds.

However......
I have the experience of being a human being for 40 years now. In this experience,  I see the damage that the message:” You ARE wrong” does when a child absorbs it and converts it in :” I AM wrong”.

The thing is:” Send = receive” . So broadcasting on the frequency of “ I am wrong”  will lead to matching results.

As an adult,  I know how much courage it takes me to dare to consider the possibility :” What if I AM NOT wrong, but in fact beautiful and wonderful in a unique way?”

Finding the guts to tell Amelie about my view on her story, in my calm, loving understanding and unique way, helped me believing in the GOOD of myself.

Thank you Amelie, for sharing your story with your heartfelt emotions, for your confidence in me and for listening!

HOLIDAY IN EVERY DAY PART II

Only two days after I suggested to Richard to take a holiday in every day ( read part I) , I felt all of a sudden agitated and irritated. 

There was clutter and chaos everywhere I went and I was commenting out loud to myself that I was fed up with sorting it all out in a never ending stream of ‘ stuff’. Most thing I did, didn’t go according to plan and that was irritating as well.

I was aware that it was probably not the chaos in itself that ‘ made’ me irritable. Many days go by with me sorting the same things out, having fun with it or doing it without any fuss.

So, I took it as a sign that I was missing something, but I had no immediate clue what it could be.  The only desire I felt was to leave it all and go away!

The minute I recognized that as the type of message Richard has been broadcasting on several occasions, I smiled. I could take a leaf out of my own book here and follow my own advice:’ leave it all and go away’ , for 20 minutes or so on a mind holiday.

I went into the garden and stretched myself out on my back on the grass. I chose a simple small camper van for my trip and took off.

However, within a few seconds, my imagination parked it in a field  close to some trees and transformed it into a gypsy style caravan.

Apparently, my need to take myself off, wasn’t a need to move and experience new things, but a need to stand still!

I figured, that I might as well redo the whole thing to fit my needs completely. Within seconds, I was in a nice clean, light, clutter free, spacious beach hut with a beautiful  sea view and the doors closed. No chaos, just me, doing nothing and appreciating that as a precious and wonderful gift!

I noticed that I hadn’t had much me-time in the last couple of days and my mood had indicated that it was about time to have some.

15 to 20 minutes of laying in the grass, in the sun, meanwhile being in my beach house was enough to go back and enjoy dealing with ‘ the chaos’  in reality, with a smile on my face.

I wonder if  Richard has tried several motor homes on different nice mind-refreshing holiday-in-every-day trips  himself.......

HOLIDAY IN EVERY DAY PART I/II

As twin souls, Richard and I often find ourselves  approaching the same issue from opposite angles.

‘ Me-time’ is a recurring theme in our lives.

I almost fell off the scale in recent times, with so much me-time, that I got tangled up in it, finding my days long, boring and unfulfilling.
Richard almost fell of the scale, with so little me-time, that he got tangled up in it, finding his days full on, boring and unfulfilling.

I highly appreciate a certain amount of me-time in every day. To me it’s just as important for my health as breathing air, eating food and drinking tea.  In me-time, I let my attention drift on the topics  in my mind. Picture me, on a sunny warm day in the shade of a beautiful tree, or in the evening in a warm bath. Or, picture me performing  a ‘ simple task’  like cleaning or weeding. I don’t need to pay much attention to what I am doing with my hands, I can just let the wind blow through my brain. The key ingredients:  me, myself and I, minding my own business.

Richard has made resolutions on creating me-time in every day. However, it is very often the first thing that flies out of the window, in the course of the day.

I can tell it frustrates him that there always seems to be a list of things to do before he feels he can take time to do something he feels he needs for himself.  Especially when the things he has to do, don’t go according to plan and consume far more time than expected.

He also finds himself, to his own frustration, ‘ wasting time’ dreaming about going away in a motor home to excitingly new and vibrant places . He feels he can’t actually go away in a motor home right now, because the house needs his presence to be rented out, looked after and be sold this summer.

One evening inspiration struck me when I was thinking about all the remarks he expressed that day and  his struggle to deal with it all. What if something deep within him is in fact signalling to him that he really needs more dedicated and appreciated me-time during the course of the day? It felt to me a promising angle to investigate.

I shared my thoughts with him, suggesting that it might be an idea to follow his own advice, every day , by  going away in a motor home to an exciting new and vibrant place. I saw a way to do that,  respecting the commitment to be here as well!

How?

The commitment to look after the house, leaves room for many activities. He spends at least 10 hours a day with activities that his body requests, like sleeping, eating, showering....
Wouldn’t it be nice to give the mind a break during waking hours, to compensate for all the information it needs to take in and process constantly?

There can be a mini-holiday in every day, to recharge!

Loving motor home travel, Richard can decide to take himself off for 20 minutes to a quiet comfortable place. He can follow his intuition on the type of motor home he should drive that day and to which destination. Using his imagination, he then can experience whatever he wants, whether it is peaceful and calm, or vibrantly exciting. His mind-holiday can be first class travel, without investing any money! 

Does a mind-holiday rebalance and re-energize? Is it possible that the challenges in everyday life can be dealt with at higher speed and with more of the required attention, with more fun, confidence and happiness?

Let’s see what happens......

To be continued in part II

DEALING WITH AWKWARDNESS IN COMPANY ( PART 2 OF 2)

An ‘awkward bunny’ had joined us, hidden under the table, when Richard and I had a tea with Peter and Nicole.  ( read about this visit in part I).
I was determined to find ways of setting the bunny free from that awkward position. Bunnies are much happier in freedom, aren’t they? And I am much happier when I can move freely too!

It must be possible for me to influence the energy flow in a good way, whenever I am aware of the presence of such an ‘awkward’ bunny hiding under the table.  Wouldn’t it be nice to do that in a way that is enjoyable, uncomplicated and true to myself, with respect for others?

I talked with Richard about it and we found two interesting directions to look at:

• What we send out as individuals and
• What we send out as a twin flame couple

How can I, personally, shine a light on the bunny, without scaring it to death?

I asked Richard for some input on the matter, especially since I am very much aware of some cultural differences between the Dutch and the English.  I don’t want to offend English people with something that would be considered acceptable among Dutch people.

Would I be curious and brave enough to use a direct approach in exposing the bunny to the full light of my attention? It can be interesting to see what happens if I drag the bunny by its ears from underneath the table and shout happily:”Look what I’ve found! A scary bunny! Isn’t it interesting? ”.

It is probably fun and it sure will get things moving. Just imagine how people usually react when an excited child drags the interesting creepy crawly creature he has found into the living room...... (WHOEEEAAAAHHHHH!) ......

But, do I really want to throw a full beam of my attention to the awkwardness?  Do I assume that bunnies move in any direction, being blinded by bright light?

It’s more likely, based on my experience, that the ‘issue’ becomes more awkward. I know that  whatever it is I put my attention on grows!

I have felt the awkwardness myself and didn’t really enjoy feeling it in a this amount, let alone if it gets intensified!

This is pointing to a more sensible approach to move in the desired direction.

What would happen if I highlight something else with my full attention in acknowledging and appreciating the loving and connecting feelings......?

In the case of Nicole I could have mentioned that I could tell that she was really fond of Richards former partner, in a calm and accepting manner. Changes are that such a positive message, responding to the heartfelt needs,  would have made a real difference to the dynamics of the whole visit.

How do we, as a twin flame couple, influence the dynamics with other people?

Richard came up with another interesting angle. He mentioned how he has noticed that we seem to amplify our energy, being twin flames. If we feel good and at ease, all the people around us suddenly start smiling like there is no tomorrow. If we feel not completely at ease for some reason, it bounces back to us with twice the impact, so it seems.

It’s a wonderful mechanism, this amplifying mirror effect of twin flames.

It helps us both to gain insights on own state of being influences the events that take place in our lives.  

With the amplifying twin flame effect in mind we decided to add an extra pinch of extra awareness on our energy household, before engaging in a social event!

Do we feel like ‘awkward bunnies’? Then we will probably encounter some more of those.

Unless of course, if we sort that out first. If any of us feels the presence of a scary bunny, we now have a plan to set the bunny free. That plan is to show in a gentle way that everything that is needed to move freely, is present, right now.

DEALING WITH AWKWARDNESS IN COMPANY ( PART I OF II)

I took a few deep breaths  of re-energizing fresh air and I needed it.

We walked back to the car, after having a cup of tea with two of Richard’s friends, Peter and Nicole.

Driving home, I shared with Richard my thoughts and feelings on the visit. He subscribed to my description:”That was all very awkward.”

It wasn’t just me, feeling ‘heavy’ and ‘drained’.

I replayed the visit in my mind, looking for clues in the things that I’ve noticed.

I saw myself meeting the couple in the hallway. I noticed how we were positioned around the table, later.

I looked into the subjects of the conversation and how it was to me a chain of worries, drama, illness, disasters, death,  troubles and other things that went wrong.

I remembered making a few contributions to the conversation, myself, hoping to bend it in a more cheerful direction. I also made an attempts to start a conversation with Peter, since we both were not really part of the conversation between Richard and Nicole, on the other side of the table.

But given the non-verbal responses on my attempts, I felt that it would be a better idea to study the birds and the beautiful skies. I ended up waiting for it all to be over- as soon as possible.

It was obvious that I hadn’t enjoyed the visit as a ‘good thing’.

My initial response was to ‘just forget about it all’ and I also mentioned to Richard that I wouldn’t be interested in having more of this.

So, instead of just ‘rejecting’ it, I started to wonder how I could embrace the events of this afternoon as a gift; the gift of a learning experience!  I started to analyze it, with the Law of Attraction in mind and another set of guidelines that I value in that respect.

It was obvious, that the awkwardness had to do with ‘Richard being with ‘the other woman’’.

It was also clear that all four of us felt ‘awkward’, but nobody felt safe enough to just say anything about it.

I think everybody around that table was in the position of:”I don’t feel at ease to share my true feelings openly with you..... “

Send = receive......the result was accordingly.

But, in hindsight, knowing that people broadcast messages about their real needs anyway,  I listened more carefully. In’ play-back mode’, I now used my  ‘kind ears’, paying attention to Nicole’s  messages from the heart, diving under the cover of the fear to share it openly.

Once I did that,  I could hear that she was actually broadcasting a message of loving feelings.

Obviously, Nicole has warm and loyal feelings for Richard’s former partner. And she was probably not sure where those feelings could fit in, in the whole dynamics, in the presence of me, the new partner.

In doubting these loving feelings could have a rightful place in the conversation, nothing seemed to be positively in place.

The interesting question I asked myself then, was:”What ‘the other woman’ and Richard can do differently in the future, when having conversations with friends of him and his former partner.”

I shared my thoughts on the matter with Richard and we exchanged some ideas in which direction to look for ‘changing what we send, in order to receive something we enjoy”.

To be continued ..... in part II

READING THE SIGNS DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE

How long has it been since I wrote this blog entry about shutting the door on trust?  Didn't I write there, that I am determined to listen to the signals I get?

Well, it's fair to say that yesterday I got a strong reminder of that resolution.

In about two hours time, I managed to dismiss about four to five signals. The result of doing that, was an experience with great educational value in it.

We had planned to go to Saint Junien, after looking after the sheep.

In order to speed things up a bit, I decided that my breakfast would be just a cup of tea, although I would have liked a bowl of yoghurt with muesli.

We decided, having enough time to go to the market at Saint Junien, to take the dogs for a walk. Somewhere along the way, somewhere nice.

Richard asked me to pull over somewhere, asking me if I fancied walking on an old railway track. I remember having a thought:”Hmmm, is this really a nice place for a walk?”

But instead of expressing my doubts and my desire for finding a nicer place, I simply agreed.

The walk was okay, but not exactly what I had hoped for.

It didn’t help that, in about 15 minutes before reaching the car again, I felt really hungry. All I could think of was:” Where to find food, fast!”

Fortunately, I told Richard that I'd rather go to the bakery, to buy a ‘pain au chocolat’, before setting off to Saint Junien.

After eating this ‘pain au chocolat’, I felt human again.

In Saint Junien, Richard introduced me to eating oysters. I know he considers eating oysters a real treat on the market. And since I had never tasted one before, I was curious, what it would be like.

Richard ate the first one himself and prepared the second one for me.

I remember, asking within myself, just before putting it in my mouth:”Is it allright to take this?”

I even remember that something in me hesitated. But I decided to dismiss that sign at the speed of light, and just go for it, because I wanted to taste an oyster, share the joy.

It didn't do much for me, taste wise, so I tried two or three more before I decided that I wasn't really enjoying eating oysters.

The experience didn’t stop there. Within 10 minutes, I felt queasy. I wasn't ill, but my body was definitely telling me that something was not completely right.

What I wanted to do was to get in a car and go straight home. But I gathered, it would be a better idea to go and get the groceries we wanted, from the supermarket.

By the time we left the supermarket there was almost no energy left in me and happiness was just a vague memory.

Richard was driving and with my eyes closed, I wondered what went wrong.....

Suddenly I saw a small lake, and I felt a desire to go there. First, I dismissed the thought, because we had agreed to go straight home. But then I realised:”No, I really wants to go to the water.” and so I asked Richard, to park near the lake.

I felt restless and sad, and I just wanted to sit down and have peace and quiet.

But when I laid down on the grass, one of the dogs decided to sit on my face, and that was painful.

I was annoyed and irritated by her and I expressed it to her, with force.

I was not really enjoying what I was receiving.

And then I became aware that in the course of two hours,  I had at least dismissed four fairly clear signals from within. Instead of choosing for what I wanted and most likely needed, I went deliberately for something else.

Acknowledging that in doing so, I had created my own miserable afternoon, got the sting out of it.

My energy levels went up again.

The rest of the day, I paid attention to what my body was telling me and acted upon it.

As a result, I experienced a wonderful evening, with many beautiful moments. At the end of the day, I fell asleep with a big smile, and once more determined, to pay attention!

WHAT HAPPENS IF I DON'T FOLLOW MY OWN ADVICE?

I am aware that my life is constantly under the influence of the Law of Attraction: send = receive.

I am also aware that I can influence the process, by paying attention to what is happening and act wisely and actively upon the signals that I get.

I know now that, sticking to just a few principles, I feel more and more ‘really heartfelt happy and confident’, embracing ‘life’ as wonderful.

This morning, I discovered that I did something, yesterday afternoon, that can be described as ‘choosing not to stick to the principles’.

Doing that,  is always a good way of ending up with something I can enjoy as a learning experience, rather than as a nice event in itself… and it wasn’t any different this time.

I had no clue what I had done. I only noticed in the evening that I didn’t feel ‘happy and confident’ and pleased with life as it presented itself. There was definitely ‘something missing’ and I couldn’t find the ‘core’ of the problem.

This morning, I noticed that the same unpleasant feeling was still present in me.

I had no intention to spend my whole day feeling like that, so I asked for clarity on which 'door' I had shut in myself, that made that I felt unpleasant tension, a lack of flowing energy.
I was definitely not pleased with what I was ‘receiving’, so I gathered that I could find a valuable clue in what I was sending.

In wanting to go to the bottom of this. I talked to myself and the Universe. I reflected on my activities, thoughts and feelings of yesterday afternoon, finding the point where my mood changed.

Suddenly it struck me. I knew which ‘door’ I had shut and when. It was the door called Trust.

I noticed that my mood had flipped just after writing an email in which I said that I had already done many things that day and that I felt like playing my saxophone.

Instead of following my own advice, I decided that it was still too early in the afternoon and I should spend some time on filling in my father’s tax papers in a special computer program. I had promised him to do so in this weekend. I decided that I might as well do this now:”Let’s get it over with!”

It didn't go according to plan, at all!
I thought I'd found a bug in the program and I had to fill in part of it twice, because it wasn't saved. (Not amusing!) 
But, it turned out that  I  wasn't paying enough attention and therefore things went pear shaped, unpleasant and time-consuming.

Did I listen to these distinct signals that I should be doing something else? No.... I carried on.

In hindsight, I concluded that I should have played the saxophone , trusting my body to signal to me what I need.

I had already done a lot of computer and thinking work that day. My body was asking for the joy of unwinding in an active happy vibe, to balance things out and to recharge for activities in the evening. Did I acknowledge that? No! I chose to consider saxophone playing as a waste of time, in the way of more important things that needed my attention.

In doing so, I almost literally said to myself and the signals I got whilst still feeling connected with happiness and confidence:”I don’t trust that you provide me with what I need”.

Is it any wonder ( send = receive) that ever since that moment, I felt restless, slightly unsure of what to do next and what to expect from it?

All it took was trusting my own advice, that playing a few tunes on my saxophone was exactly what I needed at that moment. And also trusting, that a good moment will present itself for filling in the tax form, later this weekend.

And furthermore, that I would most likely fill it in, in the blink of an eye, giving it the right amount of attention. Probably I should even having fun in doing it, as a result.

I had the opportunity. I was aware that I chose to do something that my body didn’t ask for and I persisted, overruling and ignoring  all the warning signs of 'do something else'.... sigh.

I could have had the joy of playing the saxophone for 20 minutes, filling in the taxform in the blink of an eye and a dozen other nice activities in the evening. In steed, I felt unpleasant and without energy for ( too) many hours.

After finding this out, I had an intense conversation with myself, opening the door of Trust again.

All day, I confirmed to my body signals that I trust them, simply by acting upon them. That meant, by the way that halfway writing this blog entry, I had to boil and eat an egg and dance in the living room to a good song on the radio J.

WHERE IS THE MOTIVATION?

Why do people chose to do something?

This is an interesting question that pops up, very often lately.

Monday, for example, I was cleaning a tiled floor on my knees, and I really asked myself:”why on earth am I doing this?”

My back was aching, and my arms were tired of carrying my weight on a very cold floor. Neither the floor, nor the dirt were mine. And it's not to be expected that I will spend much time using this kitchen floor as a part of my household. So, all of the sudden, cleaning the final eight tiles, I was really looking from a distance to myself.

I felt that I was missing something. My energy levels had dropped, and my motivation for the task had vanished. I didn't have much fun doing it any more. So really, all the signs were there. There was definitely something missing and I wondered what it could be.

I stopped cleaning after finishing the floor tiles. During the lunch break, I  expressed my wish out loud:” I would like to find out what I am missing here.” I talked about it with Richard and also said to him that every suggestion that I could think of what was missing was not hitting bull's-eye.

It was during a five-minute siesta, that the real answer became clear.

I was aware suddenly, that part of my motivation to volunteer for helping him with cleaning his house to let it out, was the opportunity to talk meanwhile, about our plans for the future. But for practical cleaning reasons, we had been working in different rooms in the house for a few hours already, and therefore, that specific aspect of my motivation was not present.

In the exact same minute that I acknowledged to myself that this was the core of my motivation problem, my energy levels went back up again. I expressed to Richard my desire to find some time in the next couple of days to talk about our plans. After finding out that this desire, is a mutual desire, my motivation to help out with sorting the house out, was all fired up again.

Amazing how that works!

SPARKS OF INSPIRATION

Here, on this blog, I’m writing about my every day experiences, shaping my life with an awareness of the Law of Attraction.

Reflecting on the path of my life, I sometimes scribble down a few thoughts, to keep track of them. Some are the base for a story on this blog, others are only ‘crumbs’. But those cute similarities, funny connections and witty analogies have the power to put a smile on my face!

So, I decided that these sparks of inspiration deserve their own blog.

Curious?
 http://brightfirefly.blogspot.com

WY PEOPLE SABOTAGE HAPPINESS III/3

In the previous two blog entries, I told two stories, where people seemed to sabotage their own happiness. I looked a bit deeper into that behaviour, from the perspective that  it’s actually an attempt to aim at happiness.

I called the strategy the out-of-tune-strategy and I wondered why people turn to this strategy.

I can go out and ask. 

But I belong to ‘people’ as well, so I can start with looking into the occasions where I felt I had no better options at hand, then using this strategy, myself.

I’ve been a pupil in a classroom, being bored by the offered lessons, I’ve been a worker in a complicated working environment.
But also in being a ‘daughter’, ‘spouse’, ‘friend’ or a ‘client’, I can think of several occasions where I chose the out-of-tune-strategy, as a final resort.

All the situations I can think of, have in common that I wasn’t happy about something, but didn’t feel safe enough to just say so. I had doubts that my plain request for what would make me happy, could be honoured. The amount of discomfort that was building up in me, fed the need to open a valve and  ventilate at least ‘a distinct sign’ that something was missing.

I doubted that my request could be reasonable and would be well-received. From that perspective, I could only send a message with little reason in it, and much noise, movement and disguise. The effect.... ? Always the same as in the story I’ve told in the two previous blog entries..... disharmony, misunderstanding and feeling miserable and disconnected.

What can be done?

When I feel unhappy in a situation, for some reason, I can acknowledge:

-        -  something important to me is obviously missing and

-       -   I want to express something to improve the situation.

-          -The best chance on receiving what I need,

-        -  is in expressing it as pure and clear as I can.

Like playing the violin, it takes some practise to play these strings in the right way.
But the pure tones are there:  putting the finger on the right place, applying the right pressure, forming the tone by a stroke of the bow, with the right feeling....aiming for harmony.


Read part I and part II.

WY PEOPLE SABOTAGE HAPPINESS II/3

In the previous blog entry, I told two stories that made me wonder about the question ”Why do people sometimes deliberately sabotage their own happiness?”

My thoughts are going in two directions:

One: They don’t!

There is a lesson I remember from my education in being a teacher in ‘human interactions’. It says:”People always perform the best behaviour they have got in store.”
As a student, I was surprised by this statement, being faced in classrooms with adolescents whose behaviour I wouldn’t always qualify as ‘wonderful’.

But the statement isn’t implying that the public has to ‘like’ the behaviour as such. I know now that it says that the acting person is doing his utmost best, to get what he needs. Because it is something he really needs, he will do the best he can, to achieve it.

Looking with those ‘kind eyes’ to the behaviour of that person, helps to reach out. At least, if you feel there is actually a common goal you are both aiming for... but for now, you’re not hitting ‘bulls-eye’ yet. ’

Two: They do!

So, the best behaviour that is in store, IS counterproductive, involuntary sabotaging happiness! How?

My attention got hooked on the part where I heard that the chosen strategy was to give ‘distinct signs’ to improve the situation.

To the sender, those were ‘obvious signs’ , put out there to be noticed! And yes, the signs as such were hard to miss: elephant size fonts, screaming colours, flashlights and squeaky noises.

Can it be that the way she embellished her signs, was a bit distracting the audience from the core-message? To such a degree even, that the core-message got completely lost? And instead of harmony,  that is achieved with producing pure sounds, misunderstanding wagged its separating tail.

Send ‘signals’, out of tune with the core-message and see what happens.....
Send ’clear messages that harmonise with the distinct needs’ and see what happens.....
Send = receive......

Still, the question remains unanswered:”What makes people chose the out-of-tune-strategy?”

Thank you, dear friends, for sharing your story with me, giving me food for thought!

To be continued in part III......
Read part I

WHY PEOPLE SABOTAGE HAPPINESS I/3

A friend came to see me and we talked over a cup of tea. She told me two stories that really made me think about:”Why do people sometimes deliberately sabotage their own happiness?”

The first story:

Her new neighbours-to-be started  to use  a part of my friends’ terrain to access the building site for their new home. They claimed having the right-of-way, passed on from generation to generation.
My surprised and not very amused friends looked into it,  but they couldn’t find any legal ground for it to submit to it.
Long story short: after 9 months of quarrel and legal procedures, the experts say there is no ‘right-of-way’ . It also turns out that the new neighbours have tried to get it, by using a few sabotage tricks.

The second story:

A few amateur musicians decided to get together one evening to make music. One of them volunteered to be the host for the evening, in her house.
She arranged a few chairs in the living room, had coffee and cake ready . But almost from the moment the others arrived, all sorts of things happened that made the atmosphere go into nose-diving mode.

This second story was not new to me, because the host of the evening had told me her side of it, a few days ago,. She admitted to me that she felt compelled to give distinct ‘signs’ to the others that she wanted to improve the situation.

Isn’t it striking, that all the people involved in these stories want to achieve something beautiful: living peacefully in a nice hamlet in France and enjoying the company of fellow musicians and the joy of making music together.

Apparently, there were some different views on ‘how’ this can be achieved. But the end result (so far) of the actions taken, is a rift, rather than the desired harmony.

To be continued in part II.......