IN THE WRONG MOVIE

Richard and I talked about our the plans for that Saturday, just after waking up.

I told him that I was planning on having some time on my own. When he asked me what I had planned, I didn’t really know what I felt like doing. Thinking about it some more, I said with some emphasis:” What I need is a nice long walk by myself in nature.”

When I opened the curtains shortly after that statement, I saw the rain pouring down and I doubted if a walk in nature would be really nice in these conditions. I thought about other options for spending some time on my own. I added the line ‘ useful’ to the mix. I was sure that I could combine my desire to go out on my own with something that would fulfil some of our needs.

I came up with ‘ doing groceries’ and since I would be on the road, I could also drive to the town a bit further away to inquire about options to get our internet connection properly working.

I considered the plan an efficient way to have some time-by-myself.

I know now.... it wasn’t.  Another educational nose-diving experience was about to take place.

Setting off in the car went rather well. I sang along with the radio, happy for driving in steed of walking through the rain and I arrived smiling in the bigger town. I parked whistling cheerfully  a tune,  near the train station where I knew the shop I was looking for was situated.

I looked around, but didn’t immediately see the Orange sign where I expected it to be.  I was pretty sure it should be there somewhere, so I took happily a closer look to the shop that were there.

One nanosecond long, I asked myself if it would be a good idea to ask in the bar, for the Orange shop. But I dismissed the thought.  If it was here somewhere, I could find it myself!

Fifteen minutes later, the rain dripped from my coat and trousers on the doormat of the bar where I eventually did inquire about the location of the Orange shop. The shop used to be there, indeed..... but could now be found on the complete other side of town, near the Hyper U.

I gave myself a hard time for not looking up the right address,  ending up in the wrong place. I smiled to myself bitterly that at least I had had my walk! Although I admitted that the empty wet streets and sad looking buildings of this town were not matching the description of ‘ in nature’ .

For a split second, I considered the possibility to forget about going to the Orange shop. But no... I overruled that thought, thinking :” Since I am here now, I might just as well see it through.”

I went through the town’s centre, to get to the Hyper U and I regretted my decision instantly. It was so incredibly busy on the roads, that I got unpleasant flashbacks of busy town in Holland on a Saturday afternoon. And believe me, I have never seen the traffic in this French town looking like any city traffic I’ve seen in Holland! I felt an actress in completely the wrong movie!

I reached Hyper U’s parking space, found a parking space and found the Orange shop in the hall of the store. I went in and inquired after a cheap and cheerful  solution for solving our internet connection problem. The only and quite un-cheerful solution they could come up with, was not cheap, so I left the shop fairly soon.

Passing the entrance of the Hyper U, I remembered that I was also on the lookout for groceries and I wondered if there could be any things on promotion that I might like.

I stepped over my resentment of the busy store and went in.

No promotion in the world could have interested me in this very busy, stuffed- with- things- I- don’t- need shop. All it did was feeding my desire to leave as much distance between me and this place as soon as possible.

Really having had enough now, I went straight for the first register I could see, to pass the line and find the exit.

The customers had no problem with me passing the line. It was the supermarket employee at the tilt, who shouted( in French)  literally at me that I was in the wrong place! She pointed out to me that I had to turn around, go through the whole store again and then leave at the special exit for people who had bought nothing.

I heard her, I understood her, but being so close to the exit, I had no intention of going through that store again. So I acted the foreigner who hardly speaks any French and wished her a wonderful afternoon too. I never slowed  down, my eyes focussed on my goal:  the exit.

I went back to Richard ( even with a supply of groceries I managed to buy elsewhere) in a state of being that we refer to as “ crashed in the corn field” .

I was just feeling miserable, tired and drained, without a clue what caused my mental nosedive and emotional crash. Richard was so sweet to hold me, look at me with kind eyes and ask a few questions about what could have triggered it.

I traced it back to saying in the morning:”  I need to go for a walk, by myself, in nature” and instead I went for playing a part in a completely different movie. I went to the busiest town I could find, with almost no natural features in it. The people on the set of that movie were so kind to tell me what I already felt:” You are in the wrong place” sometimes adding “ What you are looking for is not here.”

Thank you Universe, for putting so hilariously humorous  out to me that I chose myself to be in the wrong movie ( although it didn’t feel  very enjoyable nor funny , at the time)!

Acknowledging that I deliberately went into the direction opposite of my own recommendation, refuelled me for leaving the crash area in the cornfield behind me, ready to fly again.

I am so sure, that if I had taken that walk, earlier......
 If I had listened to what I actually said I needed, even with the assumed downside of getting wet.....
If I had just paid attention and invested an hour in that walk, satisfying my need for being alone, in nature......
I could have gone afterwards to any town, any shop for any purpose and would have had fun with it. I would most likely have done it in less time, with no annoyance about busy traffic and feeling in the wrong place.