DEALING WITH AWKWARDNESS IN COMPANY ( PART 2 OF 2)

An ‘awkward bunny’ had joined us, hidden under the table, when Richard and I had a tea with Peter and Nicole.  ( read about this visit in part I).
I was determined to find ways of setting the bunny free from that awkward position. Bunnies are much happier in freedom, aren’t they? And I am much happier when I can move freely too!

It must be possible for me to influence the energy flow in a good way, whenever I am aware of the presence of such an ‘awkward’ bunny hiding under the table.  Wouldn’t it be nice to do that in a way that is enjoyable, uncomplicated and true to myself, with respect for others?

I talked with Richard about it and we found two interesting directions to look at:

• What we send out as individuals and
• What we send out as a twin flame couple

How can I, personally, shine a light on the bunny, without scaring it to death?

I asked Richard for some input on the matter, especially since I am very much aware of some cultural differences between the Dutch and the English.  I don’t want to offend English people with something that would be considered acceptable among Dutch people.

Would I be curious and brave enough to use a direct approach in exposing the bunny to the full light of my attention? It can be interesting to see what happens if I drag the bunny by its ears from underneath the table and shout happily:”Look what I’ve found! A scary bunny! Isn’t it interesting? ”.

It is probably fun and it sure will get things moving. Just imagine how people usually react when an excited child drags the interesting creepy crawly creature he has found into the living room...... (WHOEEEAAAAHHHHH!) ......

But, do I really want to throw a full beam of my attention to the awkwardness?  Do I assume that bunnies move in any direction, being blinded by bright light?

It’s more likely, based on my experience, that the ‘issue’ becomes more awkward. I know that  whatever it is I put my attention on grows!

I have felt the awkwardness myself and didn’t really enjoy feeling it in a this amount, let alone if it gets intensified!

This is pointing to a more sensible approach to move in the desired direction.

What would happen if I highlight something else with my full attention in acknowledging and appreciating the loving and connecting feelings......?

In the case of Nicole I could have mentioned that I could tell that she was really fond of Richards former partner, in a calm and accepting manner. Changes are that such a positive message, responding to the heartfelt needs,  would have made a real difference to the dynamics of the whole visit.

How do we, as a twin flame couple, influence the dynamics with other people?

Richard came up with another interesting angle. He mentioned how he has noticed that we seem to amplify our energy, being twin flames. If we feel good and at ease, all the people around us suddenly start smiling like there is no tomorrow. If we feel not completely at ease for some reason, it bounces back to us with twice the impact, so it seems.

It’s a wonderful mechanism, this amplifying mirror effect of twin flames.

It helps us both to gain insights on own state of being influences the events that take place in our lives.  

With the amplifying twin flame effect in mind we decided to add an extra pinch of extra awareness on our energy household, before engaging in a social event!

Do we feel like ‘awkward bunnies’? Then we will probably encounter some more of those.

Unless of course, if we sort that out first. If any of us feels the presence of a scary bunny, we now have a plan to set the bunny free. That plan is to show in a gentle way that everything that is needed to move freely, is present, right now.

DEALING WITH AWKWARDNESS IN COMPANY ( PART I OF II)

I took a few deep breaths  of re-energizing fresh air and I needed it.

We walked back to the car, after having a cup of tea with two of Richard’s friends, Peter and Nicole.

Driving home, I shared with Richard my thoughts and feelings on the visit. He subscribed to my description:”That was all very awkward.”

It wasn’t just me, feeling ‘heavy’ and ‘drained’.

I replayed the visit in my mind, looking for clues in the things that I’ve noticed.

I saw myself meeting the couple in the hallway. I noticed how we were positioned around the table, later.

I looked into the subjects of the conversation and how it was to me a chain of worries, drama, illness, disasters, death,  troubles and other things that went wrong.

I remembered making a few contributions to the conversation, myself, hoping to bend it in a more cheerful direction. I also made an attempts to start a conversation with Peter, since we both were not really part of the conversation between Richard and Nicole, on the other side of the table.

But given the non-verbal responses on my attempts, I felt that it would be a better idea to study the birds and the beautiful skies. I ended up waiting for it all to be over- as soon as possible.

It was obvious that I hadn’t enjoyed the visit as a ‘good thing’.

My initial response was to ‘just forget about it all’ and I also mentioned to Richard that I wouldn’t be interested in having more of this.

So, instead of just ‘rejecting’ it, I started to wonder how I could embrace the events of this afternoon as a gift; the gift of a learning experience!  I started to analyze it, with the Law of Attraction in mind and another set of guidelines that I value in that respect.

It was obvious, that the awkwardness had to do with ‘Richard being with ‘the other woman’’.

It was also clear that all four of us felt ‘awkward’, but nobody felt safe enough to just say anything about it.

I think everybody around that table was in the position of:”I don’t feel at ease to share my true feelings openly with you..... “

Send = receive......the result was accordingly.

But, in hindsight, knowing that people broadcast messages about their real needs anyway,  I listened more carefully. In’ play-back mode’, I now used my  ‘kind ears’, paying attention to Nicole’s  messages from the heart, diving under the cover of the fear to share it openly.

Once I did that,  I could hear that she was actually broadcasting a message of loving feelings.

Obviously, Nicole has warm and loyal feelings for Richard’s former partner. And she was probably not sure where those feelings could fit in, in the whole dynamics, in the presence of me, the new partner.

In doubting these loving feelings could have a rightful place in the conversation, nothing seemed to be positively in place.

The interesting question I asked myself then, was:”What ‘the other woman’ and Richard can do differently in the future, when having conversations with friends of him and his former partner.”

I shared my thoughts on the matter with Richard and we exchanged some ideas in which direction to look for ‘changing what we send, in order to receive something we enjoy”.

To be continued ..... in part II

READING THE SIGNS DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE

How long has it been since I wrote this blog entry about shutting the door on trust?  Didn't I write there, that I am determined to listen to the signals I get?

Well, it's fair to say that yesterday I got a strong reminder of that resolution.

In about two hours time, I managed to dismiss about four to five signals. The result of doing that, was an experience with great educational value in it.

We had planned to go to Saint Junien, after looking after the sheep.

In order to speed things up a bit, I decided that my breakfast would be just a cup of tea, although I would have liked a bowl of yoghurt with muesli.

We decided, having enough time to go to the market at Saint Junien, to take the dogs for a walk. Somewhere along the way, somewhere nice.

Richard asked me to pull over somewhere, asking me if I fancied walking on an old railway track. I remember having a thought:”Hmmm, is this really a nice place for a walk?”

But instead of expressing my doubts and my desire for finding a nicer place, I simply agreed.

The walk was okay, but not exactly what I had hoped for.

It didn’t help that, in about 15 minutes before reaching the car again, I felt really hungry. All I could think of was:” Where to find food, fast!”

Fortunately, I told Richard that I'd rather go to the bakery, to buy a ‘pain au chocolat’, before setting off to Saint Junien.

After eating this ‘pain au chocolat’, I felt human again.

In Saint Junien, Richard introduced me to eating oysters. I know he considers eating oysters a real treat on the market. And since I had never tasted one before, I was curious, what it would be like.

Richard ate the first one himself and prepared the second one for me.

I remember, asking within myself, just before putting it in my mouth:”Is it allright to take this?”

I even remember that something in me hesitated. But I decided to dismiss that sign at the speed of light, and just go for it, because I wanted to taste an oyster, share the joy.

It didn't do much for me, taste wise, so I tried two or three more before I decided that I wasn't really enjoying eating oysters.

The experience didn’t stop there. Within 10 minutes, I felt queasy. I wasn't ill, but my body was definitely telling me that something was not completely right.

What I wanted to do was to get in a car and go straight home. But I gathered, it would be a better idea to go and get the groceries we wanted, from the supermarket.

By the time we left the supermarket there was almost no energy left in me and happiness was just a vague memory.

Richard was driving and with my eyes closed, I wondered what went wrong.....

Suddenly I saw a small lake, and I felt a desire to go there. First, I dismissed the thought, because we had agreed to go straight home. But then I realised:”No, I really wants to go to the water.” and so I asked Richard, to park near the lake.

I felt restless and sad, and I just wanted to sit down and have peace and quiet.

But when I laid down on the grass, one of the dogs decided to sit on my face, and that was painful.

I was annoyed and irritated by her and I expressed it to her, with force.

I was not really enjoying what I was receiving.

And then I became aware that in the course of two hours,  I had at least dismissed four fairly clear signals from within. Instead of choosing for what I wanted and most likely needed, I went deliberately for something else.

Acknowledging that in doing so, I had created my own miserable afternoon, got the sting out of it.

My energy levels went up again.

The rest of the day, I paid attention to what my body was telling me and acted upon it.

As a result, I experienced a wonderful evening, with many beautiful moments. At the end of the day, I fell asleep with a big smile, and once more determined, to pay attention!

WHAT HAPPENS IF I DON'T FOLLOW MY OWN ADVICE?

I am aware that my life is constantly under the influence of the Law of Attraction: send = receive.

I am also aware that I can influence the process, by paying attention to what is happening and act wisely and actively upon the signals that I get.

I know now that, sticking to just a few principles, I feel more and more ‘really heartfelt happy and confident’, embracing ‘life’ as wonderful.

This morning, I discovered that I did something, yesterday afternoon, that can be described as ‘choosing not to stick to the principles’.

Doing that,  is always a good way of ending up with something I can enjoy as a learning experience, rather than as a nice event in itself… and it wasn’t any different this time.

I had no clue what I had done. I only noticed in the evening that I didn’t feel ‘happy and confident’ and pleased with life as it presented itself. There was definitely ‘something missing’ and I couldn’t find the ‘core’ of the problem.

This morning, I noticed that the same unpleasant feeling was still present in me.

I had no intention to spend my whole day feeling like that, so I asked for clarity on which 'door' I had shut in myself, that made that I felt unpleasant tension, a lack of flowing energy.
I was definitely not pleased with what I was ‘receiving’, so I gathered that I could find a valuable clue in what I was sending.

In wanting to go to the bottom of this. I talked to myself and the Universe. I reflected on my activities, thoughts and feelings of yesterday afternoon, finding the point where my mood changed.

Suddenly it struck me. I knew which ‘door’ I had shut and when. It was the door called Trust.

I noticed that my mood had flipped just after writing an email in which I said that I had already done many things that day and that I felt like playing my saxophone.

Instead of following my own advice, I decided that it was still too early in the afternoon and I should spend some time on filling in my father’s tax papers in a special computer program. I had promised him to do so in this weekend. I decided that I might as well do this now:”Let’s get it over with!”

It didn't go according to plan, at all!
I thought I'd found a bug in the program and I had to fill in part of it twice, because it wasn't saved. (Not amusing!) 
But, it turned out that  I  wasn't paying enough attention and therefore things went pear shaped, unpleasant and time-consuming.

Did I listen to these distinct signals that I should be doing something else? No.... I carried on.

In hindsight, I concluded that I should have played the saxophone , trusting my body to signal to me what I need.

I had already done a lot of computer and thinking work that day. My body was asking for the joy of unwinding in an active happy vibe, to balance things out and to recharge for activities in the evening. Did I acknowledge that? No! I chose to consider saxophone playing as a waste of time, in the way of more important things that needed my attention.

In doing so, I almost literally said to myself and the signals I got whilst still feeling connected with happiness and confidence:”I don’t trust that you provide me with what I need”.

Is it any wonder ( send = receive) that ever since that moment, I felt restless, slightly unsure of what to do next and what to expect from it?

All it took was trusting my own advice, that playing a few tunes on my saxophone was exactly what I needed at that moment. And also trusting, that a good moment will present itself for filling in the tax form, later this weekend.

And furthermore, that I would most likely fill it in, in the blink of an eye, giving it the right amount of attention. Probably I should even having fun in doing it, as a result.

I had the opportunity. I was aware that I chose to do something that my body didn’t ask for and I persisted, overruling and ignoring  all the warning signs of 'do something else'.... sigh.

I could have had the joy of playing the saxophone for 20 minutes, filling in the taxform in the blink of an eye and a dozen other nice activities in the evening. In steed, I felt unpleasant and without energy for ( too) many hours.

After finding this out, I had an intense conversation with myself, opening the door of Trust again.

All day, I confirmed to my body signals that I trust them, simply by acting upon them. That meant, by the way that halfway writing this blog entry, I had to boil and eat an egg and dance in the living room to a good song on the radio J.