OPEN THE DOOR

Richard, my twin soul, had a rough evening yesterday. After having heard some sad news and calling a few people, he nosedived into what he called ‘old- Richard’ behavior; irritable, frustrated, unreasonable and not approachable.

As his twin soul ( or as a fellow human being?) , having a lot with him in common, I understood intuitively that  what he did was for the most part a reaction of feeling powerless.

Nevertheless, he allowed me to be close, to support him and he regained some of his spirit, until something he wanted to achieve didn’t go according to plan and he ‘locked’ energetically the door, giving himself a really hard time within himself, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders and feeling not able to do anything constructive.

This morning, after opening the shed where the sheep had spend the night and one ewe had given birth to two lambs,  I wandered over the terrain. I was talking to myself and the Universe about what I could do or say to Richard to help him coping with this ‘old-Richard’ behavior that he dislikes so much.

Send = receive

In the next couple of minutes, I opened up for receiving answers and I got a series of images in my head, all having to do with ‘a house’.  I saw the type of house Richard would like to live in ( me too, by the way)  and I saw him running from a light room with open windows, upstairs, to a dark room without any windows and locking himself up there, almost kicking and screaming.

I went back to Richard, who was just taking a shower. He asked how the sheep were doing. He was excited about the news on the twin lambs. He confessed to me that he had ‘felt’, when I closed the door behind me,  that there was a twin born.  He decided that the next time he feels such a thing, he will say it to me straight away. And he is determined to trust the intuitive messages he receives.

I told him that I myself, had received an intuitive message whilst I was away, concerning dealing with ‘old –Richard’ behavior. I asked him if he wanted to hear about it, and he was curious what it could be.

On the side of the bed, I told him that it may help him to envision himself as the house he wants to live in: simple, warm, calm, open plan, connected with ‘outside’ with a veranda to sit on.

Whenever he feels that he is heading into the dark, windowless frustration room, he is disconnecting (himself) from his preferred way of living. Obviously, he can chose to stay in the dark frustration room as long as he likes and invest as much powerful energy in smashing  himself into the walls. But if he is aware that he doesn’t like doing that.. he can picture himself being in the house he loves. He can thank the frustration room for helping him see that something needs attention with power, turn around, open the door and head back to the living room, or the sunny warm veranda, There lies the core of his power and he can invest his energy there. In entering that room again, he will reconnect with himself and as a result ( send = receive) reconnect with the world around him.  From his corepower.

He was moved to tears and told me also a few hours later that this picture:”if you want to live in a certain house…. BE that type of house” had really kicked in. Thank you, Universe, for sharing your love and wisdom with us!

BELIEVING IS RECEIVING?

When I was about 12 years old, somebody told me this story. On this rainy cold Sunday afternoon in France, having faith that I will find opportunities for my life sustenance, I remember this story. It’s a nice reminder to be aware that suitable opportunities will pop up in different shapes and sizes and it’s my job to keep my eyes open for them!

A Dutch farmer is working on his land when he sees that the dike is collapsing.
He keeps on working on the land, until a person walks up to him an says:"Come with me, the water will rise, it's not safe here."
The farmer says:"Thank you, but I believe in God, he will rescue me, so I'm good, thanks."
A cyclist passes by and says: " Jump with me on the bike, the water is rising, it's not safe here."
The farmer says:"Thank you, but I believe in God, he will rescue me, so I'm good, thanks."
A farmer on a tractor sees the farmer up to his knees in the water. He says: "Come with me in the tractor, it's not safe to stay here"
The farmer says:"Thank you, but I believe in God, he will rescue me, so I'm good, thanks."
The water rises further and when the farmer is up to his chest in the water, a boat passes. The guy in it says:"Jump in the boat, I can bring you to safety"
The farmer says:"Thank you, but I believe in God, he will rescue me, so I'm good, thanks."
The freezing water is getting higher and higher. With only his head above the water, the farmer can hear a helicopter coming.
Someone shouts out of it:"I can lower a rope, climb in it, I'll bring you to safety"
The farmer says:"Thank you, but I believe in God, he will rescue me, so I'm good, thanks."

A few hours later, the farmer has died and his spirit meets Saint Peter in heaven.
The farmer is grumpy:"He,  what has happened here? I had faith in God, I knew he was going to rescue me, and look at me now... I died! It's not fair"
Saint Peter replies to the farmer:"Well, God has send you a pedestrian, a cyclist, a farmer with a tractor, a guy with a boat and a helicopter... but you did choose yourself to stay in the water... yeah well, how much more rescue attempts can you expect..... so..here we are now!

HOW TO OBTAIN AN ASTON MARTIN?

This story is a funny one.

When Richard and I discovered that we are twin souls, we read al lot about it in books and on websites. 

One of the things we came across a few times it that you have information about your twin soul in your ‘heart’.. a picture of what he or she looks like in this lifetime.. and or other pieces of information.

One day, Richard told me that he has a favorite brand of car and it is the Aston Martin.  He likes this fast sports car for being so beautifully curved. Richard likes this car so much, that he has put pictures of it on all the vision boards he has created in the last couple of years, trusting that this helps to get receive it.

When he told me that, I smiled and made this joke:

“Richard, do you know that you have got the spelling right, in Aston Martin? I notice that if you pronounce it in your wonderful British way, it sounds very similar to how you pronounce the names my parents gave me: ‘Esther Martine’. Maybe your heart always knew you wanted to achieve having something sporty, fast, with beautiful curves ….. and you ( or the Universe???) misinterpreted the spelling…..? ”

ACCEPT, LEARN, ACT?

Yesterday morning, I opened the shed where the sheep spend their nights in this period where they are having lambs. Eleven adults and 4 lambs left the shed leaving one lamb behind in a corner, in the hay. Sadly it is was dead.

I noticed how my mind and feelings were triggered into :”Could I have prevented this from happening?” I put them at night in the shed to be safe from the foxes, but what if the lamb died because of being trodden on? What is safer? The people around me assure me that it’s ‘nature’ that sometimes a lamb dies, for no apparent reason, but still….. I ask myself questions and feel responsible for their safety.

In a way, I think it’s a good reflex, to investigate the question:”Do I need to do something differently?” It starts a reflecting process and it holds a learning opportunity.  If I consider the options and choose wisely, I can move on, lesson learned. 

I am however aware that every so often I add a pinch of ‘judgment and blame’ to the mix, thinking that ”I should have done something differently, I should have avoided this from happening”.

That does little good for feeling happy and confident and in doing so I can sometimes even lose track of what I cán do ( accept it, learn from it, act upon it). And in doing so, probably creating similar situations with a lot of regret in hindsight. ( Send = receive……). This time, I didn’t go there.

This morning, I opened up the shed where the sheep spend their nights. I stood there in feeling the joy and amazement of the beauty of nature: a new lamb had just been born on the same spot I found a day earlier the dead lamb. The mother was cleaning the newborn. Half an hour later, another lamb was born, already trying to get up!

Life is beautiful and very often, happiness is obtained by just looking at its beauty and strength through tears of joy and amazement.

ALIVE

Richard and I are both in a situation that is both beautiful and scary, when it comes to the challenge of shaping our lives.

We both desire to live, practicing what we feel to be true: be true to yourself, invest your real essence in the world and you will find on your path what you need and be happy, confident and grateful for it.  Send  = receive and that is amazingly beautiful! 

We find happiness and confidence in exploring this path together, learning along the way and supporting each other. A precious and beautiful gift, to handle with care, love and understanding.  We have faith  and are very much in touch with the inner drive why we choose this path and connecting to those heartfelt sensations feels very good.

However, we were both not raised in this tradition and we have each more than 40 years of experience in shaping our lives flying from another angle. That is not released overnight. 

We both have lived in the last couple of years, without the need to earn our own money.
At this point in time, in the process of shaping our lives, it is the awareness of these two aspects of our past, that is at times simply called ‘scary’.

I feel, that doesn’t need to be denied. I am aware that everything I put my energy in gets bigger. Turning a blind eye to something that is clearly there will only make them wave and shout for more attention. But going down the drain of total panic is also not my preferred way of handling these fears.

So, I talk to my worries and scary feelings. I acknowledge them and appreciate them for warning me that there is something that needs attention. And besides acting upon the underlying need to go find a paid job and investing my energy in the things that really need attention ‘right now’, I keep in mind what my motivation is for living my live based on my new perception of it: I feel ‘completely alive, using my full potential’!

ON SKYPE

It has been a while for Richard ( my twin flame) and me, talking on Skype. Because the snow on the roads made it too dangerous to drive, it was the only way to look each other in the eye, yesterday. So close, only a 15 minute drive on a normal day.. and yet so far away!

Anyway, we enjoyed talking to each other. Richard noticed, after about 20 minutes, how remarkable it is that it is possible to feel strongly connected to each other, using this technology. And I second that. Objectively, I was looking at ‘just’ a screen with moving images that vaguely looked like Richard in real life. He also had just some moving pixels to gaze at. Nevertheless, it felt intensely connected.

Richard wondered if it was maybe because of the fact that he was Skyping without any other distractions: no others barking dogs, fires to put logs on or other attention consuming circumstances. I assume that ‘paying full attention’ to one task, sure helps to feel fully connected to it. Send = receive, isn’t it? So sending only 50% of attention will most likely never lead to receiving the full attention and connection back. And he caught me immediately in the act when I was saving a few screen prints, whilst talking. He could see that I wasn’t paying 100% attention!

Another reason is that people tend to feel more connected to themselves, being alone, even in front of a computer screen. And if you feel more connected to yourself ( send = receive) you will be able to feel more connected with what you see.

And if the person you see, is somebody you really like to see, the good memories of the meetings in real life, will help to create the feeling of being connected as well.

Especially if that person happens to be your twin soul. Looking in the eyes of your twin soul is having your own frequency mirrored. Connecting to your twin soul IS in a way connecting to yourself. And then the circle in having  the best circumstances to feel a full connection, even using technology, is complete.

We even joked that we may want to keep on Skyping, even if we are in the same house. Just for the interesting sensation.

SNOW

"Life is what happens to you, while you're busy making other plans" is a well- known quote from John Lennon.

Today seems to be a good illustration of this and the challenge here is ‘how to deal with that?’

Yesterday evening, my twin flame Richard and I made a plan for today. We decided that I would come over to his place after lunch, to spend the afternoon enjoying each other’s company and  to have a meal together.

This morning, when I looked through the window, I saw a winter wonderland with more than 5 cm of snow, and counting. Beautiful circumstances for a lot of activities, like playing with the dog, or staying indoors and get some work done there. But driving 15 km  over the winding roads on the hills of the Haute Vienne to my beloved twin flame, in my car with ordinary tyres…….that is not such a smart idea, unfortunately.

Obviously, we can dive into the frustration about this change of plans, not liking it, because it interferes with what we want. In doing so, we will most likely spoil our mood and ‘joy de vivre’ and label the whole day as ‘rotten’. Although I know that I would prefer going to Richard, this afternoon, instead of sobbing,  I’d rather make the most of this day and enjoy the possibilities it offers me. I can write this blog entry, invest time in attracting the job I need to support my life financially, take a nice warm bath, prepare a meal and speak to Richard on Skype. All of these are things I need and I am grateful for receiving them.

Being on that position… it’s a beautiful day!

BEDTIME STORY

Yesterday evening, Richard ( my twin flame) and I had a long talk about ‘the future’.

We know where we are right now and we know how we want to live: being true to ourselves, practice living being aware of the Law of Attraction and in doing so shining our light on other people.

In deciding on ‘what to do’, today,  next week and next month, all sorts of questions pop up. What gets priority? How to approach that priority?

Richard asked me to help him sort out one of those ‘what to choose’ issues. He basically talked out loud to himself, about all the relations there are between the things he wants and he needs and other things that need to be taken into account. Just talking away, with me listening with attention to him, he mentioned what felt to be the main priority to him.

At that point, I followed my gutfeeling, to write this desire on one site of a piece of paper. I wrote:”if you want to have” and I filled in his heartfelt desire, followed by “….. turn the page” and then I wrote something on the back.

Obviously, the question ‘how to achieve it’ was praying in the back of his mind, so I suspected him to be curious about the content of the other side of the paper.

Indeed, when he had managed to figure out what I had written on the one side, he turned the page to read the answer. It said:”…. You have got te BE your heartfelt desire” ( send = receive J )

“I need to sleep on that”, was Richard’s friendly reply.

I wondered if he would be interested in having a bedtime story read to him, to relax and to be inspired. When he admitted that that prospect appealed to him, I asked him if I could read to him from one of my favorite books ”Mutant message from down under by Marlo Morgan. I had found somewhere in the summer of 2012 an English  PDF file with the whole book on the internet for him.

He agreed and so I read the first two chapters of the book to him, where the main character of the book is making the first steps ( without knowing it) to a learning experience being invited to join a tribe of Aboriginals on a walkabout. I know, having read the book twice in Dutch, that this trip will give her a complete different perception of life. And to me, one of the main lessons I adopted myself after reading this book is:” If you want to find XXX, BE XXXXXX!”

The line ‘if you want to find water, be water’, is not in chapter 1 or 2. But I hope to be able to read the book to Richard and we’ll get there!

By the way…. This is one of the books where a twin souls couple meets….. although it isn’t said specifically…. I am sure of that!

RE-ENERGIZE

After driving all night from Calais to the Haute Vienne, we finally could fall asleep in a proper bed around noon or, shall I rephrase that more accurately as: ‘we crashed’ for about two hours.

In only a few hours time, a series of events gave me the energy to feel completely re-energized, physically and mentally. I was amazed how my body was able to reestablish itself, now that I had started to listen to the signals, interpret them right and act upon them.

After the ‘siesta’, I still felt very cold and I took a bath to warm my body up again. Then I drank 2 glasses of tea, honoring my feelings of thirst. I made a phone call that gave me the rest to plan the rest of the day, responding to the restless feeling about that.

About that time, my body was physically in a good position to start doing things, but mentally I was still tired, worried and slow. Responding to a question from my twin flame, I was completely frank and told him how I felt, knowing that it was not the political correct answer.

Talking some more, we both were aware that I was hitting on feelings of sadness and hurt.

I have learned in the last couple of months that the shortest, sweetest and most educational way to deal with those type of feelings, is to face them and accept the gift they hold. So, while I was listening to my twin flames voice, I felt my feelings suddenly shift towards rage and anger. At this point his dog decided to start barking at something and if my eyes had laser-skills…… we would have eaten roast dog as a meal.

I expressed that I didn’t like (at al)l to feel so frustrated and angry. And we made a few jokes on the poor barking dog.

This was apparently enough to be able to switch my position in my mind. I realized all of a sudden that although I didn’t immediately like those feelings of rage, but I was aware that these were powerful feelings. Instead of feeling mentally tired and slow….. my mental power was activated! Progress!

Just this mind shift was enough to start laughing and feel all power-up again. I became aware of an appetite, and whilst whistling a tune, I prepared myself a sandwich with an egg and mushrooms.

Having finished this meal, a beautiful analogy struck me and I told my twin flame about it.

“What just happened feels like an airplane getting ready for a flight.” I started to explain. “The pilot works with a checklist in order to get all the systems running in the right order, meanwhile checking if they run correctly.  My checklist here was something like:

• Get sleep for two hours ( check)
• Heat up the body, taking a bath ( check)
• Get the flight plan ready with a phone call ( check)
• Fill up liquids, drink something ( check)
• Start the engines, feeling and thinking processes

Noticing… he…. That engine doesn’t sound completely right… reversing and adjusting the power and …… vroemmmmm… it’s firing on all cylinders! Ready for take off! ( check)

• Fill up the fuel, eat something ( check)

All I did was listen to the signals I gave form my body, listen to them, acknowledge them as important and act upon them. Within a short period of time, I was ready to fly again!”

I thanked my twin flame for helping me to listen to the rumbling noises from the initial start of the engine, staying with me, calm and with confidence, enabling me to sort that out.

I thanked my body for giving me strong messages and for being able to re-energize in such a short period of time.

DRIVING

We drove back to France in 24 hours. On Tuesday-evening we crossed the Channel by ferry. When we arrived in Calais, we were aware that the weather conditions were not brilliant: a bit of snow had already fallen and there was only one lane clean and sometimes the air was densely filled with fog. We hesitated between two options: finding a motel, have some sleep there and drive later on in daylight or,  drive through the night. We choose the latter, keeping the possibility open to find a place to sleep when the driver was too tired to continue the journey. We knew that in the night there was not so much traffic and the forecast talked about more snow.

As a result of this decision, we were both completely knackered around 08.00 when the daylight appeared. With  still some 3 hours of driving ahead, we had a hot drink at a service station, almost falling asleep on the counter.

There, something remarkable happened. We ordered  our drinks in French and exchanged a few lines more in French talking to each other about being tired. What was really remarkable was that we both felt too tired to talk in French and we both wanted to switch to English, but…… it just was not possible!  My twin flame said to me, that he couldn’t even think in his native language… he was completely thinking and talking in French and I had the same experience.

It was only after taking a few steps to the car, that we had access again in our brains to talking English again.  In the car, we curled up under a quilt and slept for an hour or so, to be up for the final kilometers towards a real bed!

Our mutual conclusion, just before hitting a real pillow in horizontal position for 2 hours at noon was that driving  through the night was not the best choice. We made the choice based on ‘fear for circumstances in the future’ ( the weather- and traffic reports) and ignored the circumstances in the moment ( needing sleep) and it drained the energy away from us.

Did we now ( finally) learn to be aware in the moment and look after ourselves, paying attention to what our bodies signal to us that we need right now? Knowing that ‘being good energy’ will attract good energy? Watch this space!!!!

NEEDS

We have been on a tour this last week, to see family and friends of my twin flame in the UK.

For us both, it was intense, meeting so many people with so many different energies in so many locations in Warwickshire, Cumbria and Yorkshire. We learned a lot of things, talking together on the events and how we experienced them. I scribbled a lot of thoughtlines and insights on paper, to review and write about later.

One of the main lessons for me, from these traveling days was that ' looking after my own needs' is far easier when I am on my own, then in company. It's not really a surprise to me, of course, it just got illustrated again.  Being around other people means having to take their needs into account as well.
Key word here is ' as well' and keeping that in mind......avoiding the pitfall of dismissing my own needs.

I just know that I feel most happy when I can wonder of on my own for a period of time and reflect within myself. And I know that I don't start my day in the best way if I don't breath fresh air, see and feel the weather and enjoy some of the beauty of nature. Skipping' me-time' and being indoors or in cars most of the time, is not serving my energy household.

And who is in charge of expressing these needs and taking care of getting them fullfilled....... Indeed, I am myself.
If I don't feel that my needs are important... send = receive.......then my needs get dismissed! My energy flows away and my happiness and confidence follow within hours.

Since I enjoy being happy far more then feeling drained.... I got strong reminders of what to do.....also among others: be aware of my self, express my needs.

We'll be taveling back to France, in the next couple of days. We'll have lots of oppertunity to practise doing this, travelling in an old motorhome!

A FINE DAY

One fine day in the UK.

I joined my twin flame on a trip from France to the UK, to meet some of his friends and family and to spend time in each other company exchanging ideas on how to shape our lives.
After two days on the road, we were very glad to spend the first day in the UK outdoors, doing a bit of sightseeing in the area around my twin flames ‘brother’s house.
First, we went for a walk in a nature reserve close by Despite the muddy conditions, a couple of volunteers was clearing out a part of the trees, in order to create a more suitable environment for butterflies.  We had a chat with one of the workers and we found out that he had enjoyed cycling in France.

We decided to see some more of the landscapes of Warwickshire and we went to visit a mill, with a very nice view. He thought it was silly to bring a Dutch girl to go see a windmill, but I liked this sweet mill very much that looked so different from the Dutch mills I have seen.
We noticed a man, moving the vanes for maintenance purposes. He has installed a ladder leading to an opening in the ceiling. Obviously, I was curious what  would be in the mill and I decided to express my curiosity out loud. I asked the man if it would be possible for me to climb on the ladder and have a look there.

He understood my wish, but unfortunately , ‘health & safety’ stood in the way of fulfilling this desire.  A conversation had started this way and he talked a bit more about his maintenance work on the mill. When he told me that he had worked on it for 30 years now, I immediately thought:”Well, he knows this area then probably very well.. maybe he can give us some good sightseeing tips?”
He told us about a watermill nearby, that would be nice to visit and give the opportunity to drink something warm.  Inspired by this, my twin flame asked the man about a church he had spotted from the hill. Apparently, it was a nice old Saxon church and he explained how to get there. He warned us however, that we would find it closed. A safety measure.

We went to this church first, just to see it from the outside. Thinking:”you never know”, my twin flame tried the door and….. it was open! We both smiled for this gift to have the opportunity to take a look inside as well.

In this charming little church, we saw a huge tomb and a few other interesting pieces. I noticed also a selection of brochures on a table and browsed a bit through them. A magazine, that was there, caught my attention for having a few interesting headlines, matching our field of interest:”How to free your mind”, “how to enhance life, shining your light’…….

Reading some bits and pieces here and there, I felt I had to share this with my twin flame.  It turned out that this magazine is created by somebody who lives in a town about 10 kilometers away and we saved some of the information to review later on the internet.
http://www.mosaic-lifestyle.com/

Then we head off to the watermill that was pointed out to us. My twin flame confessed that he remembered going to this watermill once before, and that he initially had thought of showing it to me. But…. He had forgotten where it was. So he was somewhat amazed by the fact that in the course of events, the location of the mill was handed to him.

Is it really that surprising? The Universe responds well in giving you what you need. Another fine example, I should say!

The mill itself turned out to be sold and closed for the public. But in the barn was a friendly centre where we had a drink and a few conversations and some good laughs.

Before heading home, we walked the dog again in the nature reserve from that morning, counterclockwise this time. The volunteers were still there, and the man we had talked to recognized us. He me mentioned that ever since out talk earlier, he had been in his mind in France, remembering his beautiful cycling tour up there.