CHEERFULLY GIVING

It had been a wonderful day with a visit to the beach. I had been reading a book in the sunshine and felt inspired with the texts about living with awareness in this Universe.

I particularly liked the chapter with the recommendation to give to others what you want most for yourself. Send = receive wrapped in words that make so much sense on paper….…

It turned out to be time for some practise in my own next corner of the Universe: a supermarket in the Algarve, where we wanted to buy a few missing things: coffee, jam, chocolate and milk.

Completely focussed on my goal, I walked purposeful  from the entrance, through the hall towards the stile gate. I thanked the lady asking my attention for collection for charity in a friendly, yet decisive way.  I was on a distinct mission.

The lady approached Richard behind me as well if he wanted to buy some food to donate to charity. Happily, he accepted the designated plastic bag and decided that a shopping basket would be in order.

While he was selecting rice and pastas, I noticed an enormous storm rising within me.

This was the inner dialogue I had with myself, standing between two huge supermarket freezers:

B:” He, what is going on here?”

A:” Donating things to charity is very recommendable if you want to live aware and free. “

B:” Yep, nice .. however… I don’t want it.”

A:” Holding on to something ( like money) from a fearful thought that you don’t have enough of it is asking for trouble!  Send = receive…. If you send the message that you are lacking something, than that is what you get…. Too little of that something!”

B:” Nice theory.  You forget to mention that you have got to mean it too! If you only do it because it is theoretically so recommendable… than it doesn’t count!!!!!”

A:” So true.. so…. Make sure you mean it! Give cheerfully!”

B:” Come on… cheerfully!!! The only thing that is cheerful here at the moment is a raging storm. I want to leave this place cheerfully and leave it all cheerfully behind me!”

The whole conversation took about  10 minutes, so A and B repeated their points of view several times with more and more power.  One part of me was embracing  the idea of giving cheerfully and the other one wanted was absolutely not cheerful about this giving event.  

I pulled the plug on the debate, by the time I really had enough of that.  For now, I solved the issue temporarily by saying that it was Richards’s cheerfully made transaction, not mine.  Pay and go.. and forget about it all.   

Not that I think it really works like this in this very educational Universe;-), but at least it got me moving again.

Richard had filled the shopping basket and was ready to pay. He asked me if I wanted to select some chocolate,  but I said that I had had enough now of the shopping experience and wanted to leave.  

The supermarket had two types of cash registers: with staff and self service.  Self service seemed to Richard the best way to go, the others had very long ques.

Hmmmm…. With a cashier you can pay deaf and blind. Self service permits you to see each and every item scanned and priced. On top of all this the price was read out loud too.

Everything I didn’t want to know about, was presented to me on al senses in a significantly slow way: quantities and prices.

Richard obviously noticed that my energy and mood had dropped. I told him that I had to deal with something within myself and that I would fill him in on the details later, if needs be.

During the course of the evening, the issue stayed with me in the back of my mind. What was the essence of the problem here? How could I solve this issue in a well-considered way? What could I learn from this? Why was this causing such an inner storm?

Yes, it hadn’t been me taking the initiative for a donation. And yes, the amount of consultation in this process had been minimal and indeed, I still have some faith to gain concerning money flows, to mention a few ripples I can identify on the surface. But I also know that usually I am able to react more balanced on this type of challenges nowadays.  So, what is the difference here?

As often before, the solution came the next morning.

I told Richard about what was still on my mind in a puzzling struggle. I was squeezing the last bit of joy out of this learning process, by giving myself an extra hard time over it. I labelled myself as ‘worthless’ , because of not being able to give cheerfully and that isn’t a very encouraging thing to do!

Richard took it a lot lighter and confessed with a friendly smile that he instantly knew that I was dealing with something important,  when I denied myself chocolate!

That filled the gap of the missing link in me.  Suddenly I saw why my inner compass somewhere between rice and pasta had lost track. I knew why  I had been presented with al the fine details of number and prices of articles.  I had asked the question what I could learn from this seemingly conflict and all that was part of the answer! ( send = receive)

What was it that I refused to see? The value? Was it too expensive?  It was nothing compared to what we had spend earlier on groceries on the market.  

Suddenly it struck me, by the time I switched my mental position. It sure had to do with value, but in a reversed way.

Do rice and pasta represent for me ‘ the good life’ ?  Sure, I appreciate them as nice ingredients for good meals. But if I was to choose a product in the supermarket that really expresses the joy of a good life .... then I would treat myself to a nice piece of chocolate.

There I approached the eye of the storm that was charging this issue so much. I had not contributed with something that I would choose for myself as valuable, as something I highly appreciate!

Understanding this, suddenly solved the seemingly conflict. A knew a part of my truth and B also had a point and although I thought they were opposites... there was a way to unite them!

I proposed to Richard to buy what I had denied myself, but then double. One box of chocolates for us and one to donate.

This resolution could be executed the same afternoon. We stopped at Lidl’s for something and again saw some people at the entrance collecting for charity.

This time cheerfully, we donated chocolate and coffee.

Is the story told now? Maybe….

However, on arrival at our house sitting job, we found  a specially for us richly filled fridge and cupboard with all sorts of nice products.

Coincidence…? In any case.... we are very pleased with this gift for us!