WY PEOPLE SABOTAGE HAPPINESS III/3

In the previous two blog entries, I told two stories, where people seemed to sabotage their own happiness. I looked a bit deeper into that behaviour, from the perspective that  it’s actually an attempt to aim at happiness.

I called the strategy the out-of-tune-strategy and I wondered why people turn to this strategy.

I can go out and ask. 

But I belong to ‘people’ as well, so I can start with looking into the occasions where I felt I had no better options at hand, then using this strategy, myself.

I’ve been a pupil in a classroom, being bored by the offered lessons, I’ve been a worker in a complicated working environment.
But also in being a ‘daughter’, ‘spouse’, ‘friend’ or a ‘client’, I can think of several occasions where I chose the out-of-tune-strategy, as a final resort.

All the situations I can think of, have in common that I wasn’t happy about something, but didn’t feel safe enough to just say so. I had doubts that my plain request for what would make me happy, could be honoured. The amount of discomfort that was building up in me, fed the need to open a valve and  ventilate at least ‘a distinct sign’ that something was missing.

I doubted that my request could be reasonable and would be well-received. From that perspective, I could only send a message with little reason in it, and much noise, movement and disguise. The effect.... ? Always the same as in the story I’ve told in the two previous blog entries..... disharmony, misunderstanding and feeling miserable and disconnected.

What can be done?

When I feel unhappy in a situation, for some reason, I can acknowledge:

-        -  something important to me is obviously missing and

-       -   I want to express something to improve the situation.

-          -The best chance on receiving what I need,

-        -  is in expressing it as pure and clear as I can.

Like playing the violin, it takes some practise to play these strings in the right way.
But the pure tones are there:  putting the finger on the right place, applying the right pressure, forming the tone by a stroke of the bow, with the right feeling....aiming for harmony.


Read part I and part II.